#Mack rides does nothing but cook

[prinzunderground]

Mack produkt

I’ll probably do silver star and Voltron later… but don’t hold me to it lol

[solidburnreturned]

all the odds for pepper!!

HOO okay I’ll put this under a read more lol

1. What is their gender?

she’s a cis girl

3. What is the meaning behind their name? Do they have any nicknames?

pepper just means pepper! spicy!! her full name is pepper braxton jane :0 she’s got a lot of nicknames lol,, pep, stud, pepperoni, and PB&J (her initials)

5. What’s their relationship with their parents like? What about other relatives?

she loves her parents a lot!! her relationship with marney is a little more strained because of how protective marney is and because pepper was such a big troublemaker in her teens. she gets along better with topaz and listens to her more :0 her other relatives are her uncle toni and her cousin eve, who she gets along with great! her and eve are like sisters

7. Are they in a romantic relationship? With who? How did they meet?

in the future she gets together with mack of course, who she met one night at a pop-up party. mack was one of nova’s performers and pepper just became super infatuated with her and just fell in love with her as they became better and better friends

9. What is their favorite color? Favorite animal?

she likes RED and loves animals in general!! but has a soft spot for raspurrs (a cat creature that looks like a fluffy little cloud with feet and a tail)

11. If they could make a mark on history, what would they like it to be?

she would like to bring more love into the world,, shes all about that lovey dovey shit

13. What do they do for fun?

she works out, does spoken poetry, plays string instruments (violin, bass, guitar, etc), and works on/rides her motorcycle!! and eats njdkf

15. What was something their parents taught them?

to always be kind and not be JADED 

17. Where were they born?

at the troll tree, just before the big escape! 

19. What is their occupation?

happy lil mechanic!

21. What is their favorite thing about their personality?

she thinks she’s pretty profound sometimes :^) and very romantic!

23. Do they get lonely easily?

yes 100% yes 

25. What is their biggest flaw?

she tends to not care enough about herself? and can be a lil gross/a slob sometimes

27. What is their biggest strength?

cares a lot!! big heart!!

29. How would they describe their own personality?

she’s not very good at describing herself lol but after a lot of “uhhh…ummm…” she’d probs say that shes a kind and gentle soul who’s good with romance lol

31. Does this character ever put somebody else’s needs before their own? Who do they do this for? How often do they do this?

yeah she does that a lot with mack especially, which mack rly doesnt like tbh. she tries not to do it a lot but its kinda just automatic for her cause shes a little love blind

33. What is their biggest fear? How would they react to having to face it?

she has a big fear of getting seriously hurt again, like breaking her legs or getting another TBI. if that were to happen it would probably cause a big relapse with her ptsd and depression :( maybe another little grey period

35. What is the easiest way to annoy them?

OOF being persistently loud pisses her off, mixed signals, persistent cynicism, stuff like that. interrupt her once and she’ll be pissed off the whole time u talk lol

37. How easy is it for them to say “I love you”? Do they say it without meaning it?

she says it a lottttt but she always means it! but its not always easy for her to say, especially if its like. a love confession

39. What does their happily ever after look like?

having a couple kids with mack and living together in a cozy lil pod with some cute pets and a rly big bed uvu

41. What does their laugh sound like? Do they snort when they laugh? How often do they laugh?

loud, barkish, throw-her-head-back kinda laugh or just a soft chuckle there is no in between. she DOES snort when she laughs and it makes her laugh more! and she rly likes to laugh so she laughs as much as she can, shes p easy to amuse

43. What is their least favorite thing about their physical appearance?

def her scars, especially the one on her face. shes not fond of her lil belly sometimes either tbh 

45. How would they describe their own appearance?

she would def brag about her muscles first lol then, more quietly, say shes short and a lil chubby with big hair and a big nose. maybe mention her piercings and tattoos, pointy tooth, and notch in her eyebrow. she’d get more detailed the more she thinks about it lol

47.  What’s their pain tolerance like?

pretty high tbh? she can take some pain

49. Do they have any piercings?

yep!! tips of her ears have two each, one on the right lobe, two studs on the top of each ear, left nose stud, center lip ring, and a tongue stud

51. What is their height? Weight?

she’s 5 ½ inches tall (2 ½ of that is hair) and just for the sake of it being easier to understand, ill forget using ounces and say shes like 150 pounds

53. What is their hair color? Eye color? Skin tone?

her hair is greyish tan (kinda looks like light smoke??), her eyes are a darker red, and her skin is actually a rly deep, earthy shade of orange,, but she just says shes dark red lol 

55. What is their alcohol tolerance like? What kind of drunk are they? How bad are their hangovers?

pretty good tbh! she can have two beers and still be okay. shes a happy, loosey goosey drunk who just wants to snuggle and give compliments. she doesnt get hangovers often cuz she tries to drink responsibly but,, when she does get them she’s in bed all day or puking in the tub like a mess

#57 is a forbidden question

59. What does their resting face look like? Do they have RBF?

no she doesnt lol she looks just kinda chill or like shes daydreaming cause. she probs is

61. Which season is their favorite season?

winter!! when its perfectly reasonable to stay inside and snuggle up in bed all day

63. What is always guaranteed to make them smile?

already answered! :^)

65. What’s their immune system like? Do they get sick often? How do they react to getting sick?

it’s not bad! she gets sick once in a while but when she does its usually pretty rough for her and she turns into a big needy baby

67. Is their bedroom messy? What about their bathroom? Kitchen? Living room?

YEAH she’s v messy. her bedroom is the worst, the bathroom is okay, kitchen…she needs to wash her dishes and clean out her fridge. living room has a looooot of pillows and blankets lying around and her coffee table is kinda gross tbh throw that whole thing away

69. How did the people in their environment growing up affect their personality?

she made friends with a bunch of punks so she got deep into rowdy punk culture lol >:) and marney’s overprotectiveness pushed her to be more of a troublemaker. after her bike crash tho she had a major shift in personality and chilled out a LOT

71. How are they with children? Do they have any? Do they want any?

she’s good with kids but worries,, she inherited marney’s mama bear gene for sure. she eventually has kids with mack in their 30s but def wanted kids ever since falling in love with mack ;v;

73. Do they prefer the indoors or outdoors?

hmmmm she likes being inside cuz her cozy bed nest is there but will happily sit outside on a nice day so she can cook in the sun and get more freckles lol 

75. If given a blank piece of paper, a pencil, and nothing to do, what would happen?

lots of goofy little doodles of her cat probs, which she would then fold into a paper airplane and have too much fun with

77. What is their most prized possession?

HER MOTORCYCLE

79. What is their economic situation?

i think trolls barter with goods and services for the most part, so i guess this doesnt rly apply?? she does good with her mechanic job tho other trolls tend to not be super handy

81. Are they bothered by the sight of blood?

sometimes, especially her own

83. Can they swim? How well? Do they like to swim?

yeah she likes swimming! shes not awesome at it (her hair holds a lot of water and drags her down eventually) and would rather just relax on a tube

85. Do they believe in ghosts?

yeah lol u couldnt pay her to do a ouija board or anything like that

87. What is something they regret?

she def regrets riding dangerously on her motorcycle and getting into that crash

89. What is their D&D alignment?

lawful good!

91. If they were a tweet, what tweet would they be?

93. What’s the most iconic line of dialogue they’ve ever said?

when i was first designing pepper and showing her to my friends in an old trolls discord server, someone said “yum, bitch” and that became pepper’s catch phrase for a short while lol

[deltaengineering]

Spring Anime 2018: Lightning round

I didn’t get around to full writeups this season, but here’s the condensed version. It’s a weak season (the weakest in years) with very few surprises anyway.

3D Kanojo Real Girl

What: Otaku loser lucks into girlfriend.

+ Loser is actually a loser, and how

+ Heart seems to be in the right place

- Writing is clunky

- - some of the most amateurish production values this side of Clione no Akari and I don’t think this is made by one guy

Verdict: no

Akkun to Kanojo

What: Short. A guy is rude to his naively cute girlfriend and then stalks her.

- - Creepy, unfunny and dumb

Verdict: naw

Amanchu! Advance

What: Sequel. Ostentatious anime characters enjoy chilling on the beach.

+ Actually chill most of the time

+ looks and sounds good

+ somehow even more gay than before

- - @_@

- - 8D

Verdict: I watched the first season and enjoyed it more than not, so I might as well.

Alice or Alice

What: Short. Siscon 4koma comedy with a lot of fanservice.

- - Creepier, unfunnier and dumber

Verdict: hell naw

Butlers: Chitose Momotose Monogatari

What: Best I can say is that it’s an otome instaharem of shounen fightmen invading Marimite.

+ makes so little sense it’s sometimes funny

- makes so little sense it’s mostly just baffling

- little chance to become legit

Verdict: nope

Caligula

What: What indeed. Virtual idols overwrite reality, a Persona clone ensues.

+ Denpa stuff is actually disorientating and creepy

+ Makes somehow even less sense than Butlers and in a more funny way to boot.

- Still a bunch of nonsense that will probably not pay off in the long run

- - Protagonist spends the first episode being a Sagrada Reset-class blahmancer.

Verdict: 3 ep rule since it’s still a better Persona than the actual Persona and the dude has little time to do stoner philosophy once shit hits the fan

Comic Girls

What: Hidamari Sketch without the charm, a basic comedic Kiraralike where the joke is that the girls embody manga genres.

+ High production values, pleasant to look at

- Typical Kiraralike cast with little personality besides the blindingly obvious

- - Full of jokes that get old before the setup even starts

Verdict: Not worth it

Cutie Honey Universe

What: Ancient proto-mahou shoujo series by Go Nagai gets its fourth or so anime adaptation.

+ Some choice sakuga cuts

+ Generous helpings of Go Nagai sleaze at its finest

- Design is a weird mishmash of current and 70s

- Does not even attempt to explain anything about the show

Verdict: Mainly aimed at existing fans, of which I am not one. If it turns out to be a classic I’ll hear about it

Devils Line

What: Some Tokyo Ghoul-ish thing about the vampyr police. 

+ Probably not half a dumbass fighting shounen

+ nothing too offensive

- nothing particularly interesting either

- looks are completely bland

Verdict: I have already forgotten everything about this

Dorei-ku The Animation

What: Magical devices gives people mind control powers. Everyone’s an asshole.

+ Some actually good character writing

- Trying to be Kakegurui and failing, just too tame for its outrageous conceit

Verdict: Has potential but doesn’t appear to take advantage of it

Full Metal Panic! Invisible Victory

What: Sequel to FMP and it’s still FMP.

+ More serious than basic FMP

- FMP is inherently too silly to attempt seriousness

Verdict: Fumoffu is the only acceptable FMP

Fumikiri Jikan

What: Short about couples(?) at a railroad crossing

+ Reminds me of Tsuredure Children

+ Seems a bit more clever than the usual comedy short

Verdict: At 3m/week, why not

Gegege no Kitarou

What: Truly prehistoric spoopy manga for children about kids who fight youkai.

+ Actually a little spooky

+ Nekomusume

+ Unapologetically for children, but with oldschool charm

+ Does a good job of modernizing the subject matter

Verdict: Pretty good, I’m in

Golden Kamuy

What: Taciturn Ainu girl and tough guy hang around in frozen 1900s Hokkaido to nab some gold.

+ at least sounds like it could have potential

- Does a good job of making its unique setting seem not particularly interesting

- not as bad looking as incensed manga fans allege, but certainly not a feast for the eyes

- okay, that CG bear tho

- - I’m not feeling much character chemistry, which is an absolute killer for this specific setup

Verdict: Probably not

Gurazeni

What: Mediocre baseball pro plans his retirement money

+ not actually about baseball much

- - actually about baseball finances, which is even less interesting

Verdict: Weird but not in a good way

Hinamatsuri

What: Dadfeels show about a yakuza middle manager that gets a girl with superpowers dropped on his head.

+ Nitta being a yakuza thug makes for good comedy

+ Seems way less wish-fulfilmenty than most shows of this type

- Yeah speaking of which, could lose itself in Maidragon-style sameyness

Verdict: I’m feeling it for now

Hisone to Masotan

What: Air Force clerk becomes dragon pilot/emergency food supply. Yeah, the Japanese Air Force secretly has a dragon squad masquerading as F-15s.

++ Psychedelically unhinged dragon vore bonanza

++ Looks really great

+ Secretly a mecha show, but without mecha baggage; Kawamori is involved and it shows.

+ Mari Okada writing means strong characters

- Mari Okada writing means high chance of eventually going into the weeds

Verdict: Either way this is going to be a ride

Isekai Izakaya - Koto Aitheria no Izakaya Nobu

What: Another anime about a Japanese restaurant that connects to a fantasy world.

- Less interested in worldbuilding than Shokudou, and yes I actually enjoyed that aspect

- 100% about Japanese barfood instead

- Weak to nonexistant characters

- - styled like Japanese daytime television, hope you enjoy text plastered all over the screen

Verdict: Isekai Shokudou S2 where

Juushinki Pandora

What: Postapocalyptic robot vs. space monsters fights for the Chinese market.

- Just a bunch of anime characters doing anime things

- - truly hideous

Verdict: I’d rather watch MuvLuv and I’m not watching MuvLuv either

Kakuriyo no Yadomeshi

What: Bland girl gets transported to youkai world where she gets macked on by the boss and opens a restaurant.

- Barebones otome harem setup, though shockingly not based on a Vita game

- another fucking cooking show

- - Nothing’s romantic like possessive creepy assholes

Verdict: Nope.

Last Period - Owarinaki Rasen no Monogatari

What: Mobile RPG adaptation that advertises the game to you while making jokes how terrible gacha and grind is. Hey, Konosuba was popular right?

+ Certainly ballsy

- not really funny besides that

- - I already know mobile RPGs suck, but thanks for the heads up

Verdict: Fuck off and take your smug with you

Legend of the Galactic Heroes - Die Neue These

What: Spess men playing spess chess in spess.

+ Credible and respectable

+ Makes LoGH ultrafans mad because it’s not ugly enough

- space war seems like a video game, both visually and tonally

- if it adapts the whole thing, it will take forever

Verdict: Promising, but there’s always the old one which is at least complete. No reason to watch this particular version right now.

Lupin III Part V

What: Lupin is in ur cloud, stealin ur bitcoins.

++ Classic Lupin feel

++ Ruthless modernization of the bells and whistles keeps it from feeling overly familiar like Part 4

- Comes across as desperate occasionally

- Action is extra unexciting for some reason

- Looks nowhere near as good as Part 4

Verdict: It’s entertaining, so why not

Mahou Shoujo Ore

What: Comedy about a bad wannabe idol that works as a buff male mahou shoujo for the yakuza.

+ Core idea is amusing

- - spends most of the time on anything but the core idea, such as hilariously pointing out how it is indeed a cartoon

Verdict: I’ve tried and not picked up much better mahou shoujo parodies

Mahou Shoujo Site

What: Girl is bullied all day at school and beaten up all night at home, becomes a magical school shooter

+ Certainly effective at setting a, um, “particular” mood

- - relentlessly mean and nasty

- - simply no fun at all, with little reason to believe that that’s going to pay off

Verdict: Not looking for a bad time right now.

Megalo Box

What: Classic underdog sports story about a boxing jobber looking for the big break, now with more cyborgs.

++ looks amazing

++ cinematic-level direction and storyboarding

+ doesn’t reinvent the wheel as far as story goes, but it’s classic for a reason

- Overreliance on dog metaphors is already getting out of hand

Verdict: Would be stupid not to watch this

Nil Admirari no Tenbin - Teito Genwaku Kitan

What: Actual PS Vita otome harem about a bland girl with the power to see evil books, which impresses a bunch of handsome combat librarians.

- takes itself far too seriously

- not a looker

- I can’t remember a single character

- - pacing is criminally turgid

Verdict: I know better otome harems.

Omae wa Mada Gunma wo Shiranai

What: 4koma short about how Gunma is weird and Gunma people are even weirder.

+ It’s like a bizarre perversion of a tourism anime

- 4koma jokes

Verdict: Mmmmmmmaybe?

Persona 5 the Animation

What: High school kid finds himself in a weird woke fever dream. It’s P5, you know what it be.

+ Kawakami

- P5 is too known and too long to make a good anime

- serious issues don’t work with the residual Persona silliness

- Not very well made

Verdict: I’d rather watch a LP (or Caligula)

Rokuhoudou Yotsuiro Biyori

What: Chill boys run a chill cafe

+ very chill indeed, totally works as iyashikei

+ characters are all likeable, even brings the moe in an ikemen show

+ Suwabe! With glasses!

- Iyashikei always has potential to drift into boring sludge

Verdict: I’ll take that chance

Saredo Tsumibito wa Ryuu to Odoru

What: JRPG dudes fight monsters and argue about payment

+ Opening narration is so stupid it made me laugh

+ No seriously, “we changed the Planck constant and now there’s fucking dragons everywhere”

+ a few decent buddy cop moments

- - Rest of the show is just as stupid, but the laughter went away

Verdict: Durr hurr

Souten no Ken Re-Genesis

What: CG men with no neck make frowny faces at each other

- story is vague and hard to follow while at the same time just being an excuse for poses and fights

- - looks like an absolute butt

Verdict: stay far away

Steins Gate 0

What: Sequel. Okabe is sad that Chris is dead.

+ Epic twists will be coming... eventually.

+ Punished Okabe is a better character than he ever was before

- - Rest of the cast is still a bunch of hateable wankers, and even Okabe will be going back to his catchphrase eventually

- - nothing happens in the first two episodes besides establishing that Chris is a Tamagotchi now

Verdict: Possibly a hatewatch but seems to be too dull for even that.

Sword Art Online Alternative - Gun Gale Online

What: Catgirl with pink P90 totally puts serious operators in the PWN ZONE.

+ Main character’s IRL identity seems funny

+ evades most of the memetic SAO failings

- adds a lot of failings of its own

- egregious gun- & tacticool wank

- - boring as shit

Verdict: yeah, guess

Tachibanakan To Lie Angle

What: Unimaginative fanservice 4koma short, but this time it’s yuri so that makes it okay.

- - no, it doesn’t

Verdict: *snore*

Tada-kun wa Koi wo Shinai

What: Regular Anime Dude™ chances upon a weeaboo princess from Europe and her weeaboo bodyguard.

+ Looks real nice, Doga Kobo delivers

+ anime original, so there’s a chance of it ever going anywhere

- Just about the least interesting setup ever

- - comic relief guy friend is tremendously annoying

Verdict: Nozaki-kun was better.

Uchuu Senkan Tiramisu

What: Short. Some sort of mecha parody.

+ Gundamian masterpiece names like “Vulgar Hummer” and “Pubic Hair”

- not actually funny beyond that

- - at all

Verdict: Seems totally pointless, but what do I know about anime comedy

Uma Musume - Pretty Derby

What: School sports show about horse girls that are also idols

+ Premium production by PA Works

+ Lively and colorful

- awful, overwrought gacha game character designs

- characters are as generic as they come

- the setup is just Kancolle again, but without the “escort” pun

- something this wacky shouldn’t be so predictable and boring

Verdict: 3 ep rule, but 3 eps have passed and it didn’t grab me. So no.

Wotaku ni Koi wa Muzukashii

What: Adult otaku meet at work, fail powerlevel stealth check, fall in love.

+ Well written characters once you look past their gimmick

+ Much more respectable than most shows with this exact idea

+ Doesn’t lean on references

- Will have to put in some hard work to make it last

Verdict: I don’t want to like it, but I do. At least so far.

[lostkrbkaccount]

[Common room]

Baku: *to himself* I said, certified freak seven days a week wet-ass pussy make that pull-out game weak-

Iida: BAKUGO-KUN THAT IS HIGHLY INAPPROPRIATE YOU CAN'T JUST-

Baku: *louder* Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you fucking with some wet-ass pussy. Bring a bucket and a mop for this wet-ass pussy. Give me everything you got for this wet-ass pussy-

Iida: MOVE IT PEOPLE I NEED AIZAWA-

Mina: GET IT BAKUBABE!!

Baku: *stands on coffee table* Beat it up, bitch catch a charge.Extra large and extra hard.Put this pussy right in your face. Swipe your nose like a credit card. Hop on top, I wanna ride. I do a kegel while it's inside. Spit in my mouth, look in my eyes. This pussy is wet, come take a dive. Tie me up like I'm surprised. Let's role play, I'll wear a disguise. I want you to park that big Mack truck. Right in this little garage. Make it cream, make me scream. Out in public, make a scene I don't cook, I don't clean but let me tell you how I got this ring!

Deku: you okay, Kirishima?

Kiri: ....hot

Mina: gotta say your boyfriend is one kinky motherfucker..

Aizawa: WHAT'S GOING ON?-

Baku: Gobble me, swallow me, drip down the side of me. Quick, jump out 'fore you let it get inside of me. I tell him where to put it, never tell him where I'm 'bout to be. I'll run down on him 'fore I have a bitch running me. Talk your shit, bite your lip. Ask for a car while you ride that dick. You really ain't never gotta fuck him for a thang. He already made his mind up 'fore he came. Now get your boots and your coat for this wet-ass pussy. He bought a phone just for pictures. Of this wet-ass pussy. Pay my tuition just to kiss me. On this wet-ass pussy. Now make it rain if you wanna see some wet-ass pussy!

Aizawa: I don't get paid enough for this shit,,, MIC! MIC, HELP ME!

Mic: what's up, babe?

Aizawa: *points to Baku* stop that.

Baku: Look, I need a hard hitter, I need a deep stroker. I need a Henny drinker, I need a weed smoker. Not a garden snake, I need a king cobra. With a hook in it, hope it lean over. He got some money, then that's where I'm headed. Pussy A1, just like his credit. He got a beard, well, I'm tryna wet it. I let him taste it, now he diabetic I don't wanna spit, I wanna gulp I wanna gag, I wanna choke. I want you to touch that lil' dangly thing. That swing in the back of my throat. My head game is fire, punani Dasani. It's going in dry and it's coming out soggy. I ride on that thang like the cops is behind me. I spit on his mic and now he tryna sign me!

Deku: *filming it* pure gold. Auntie Mitsuki is gonna love this one!

Aizawa: do something!

Mic: what can i say, kid's got skill.. there's nothing I can do!

Kiri: babe, please stop!

Mina: yeah you're making Kiri hard and not in the quirk way

Baku: *to Kiri* Your honor, I'm a freak bitch, handcuffs, leashes. Switch my wig, make him feel like he cheating. Put him on his knees, give him something to believe in. Never lost a fight, but I'm looking for a beating. In the food chain, I'm the one that eat ya. If he ate my ass, he's a bottom feeder. Big D stand for big demeanor. I could make you bust before I ever meet ya. If it don't hang, then he can't bang. You can't hurt my feelings, but I like pain. If he fuck me and ask, "Whose is it?" When I ride the dick, I'ma spell my name!

Kiri: *blushes* please stop..

Baku: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you fucking with some wet-ass pussy. Bring a bucket and a mop for this wet-ass pussy. Give me everything you got for this wet-ass pussy

Kiri: baby-

Baku: *does the dance* Now from the top, make it drop. That's some wet-ass pussy. Now get a bucket and a mop. That's some wet-ass pussy. I'm talking WAP, WAP, WAP. That's some wet-ass pussy. Macaroni in a pot. That's some wet-ass pussy!

Kiri: thank god it's over!

Baku: what do you say, hm?

Kiri: what is it, babe?

Baku: wanna go to my room and try this wet ass pussy?

Kiri: *blushes* BABE!

Mina: *dying from laughter*

Give me Bakugo vibing to WAP, like he knows every damn lyric, and Kiri doesn't know if he should find it hot or funny..

[pizza-is-my-buziness]

Fitz is still rubbing sleep out of his eyes when he walks into a kitchen and finds a man standing there trying to work the coffee maker. A man who is most definitely not his father because for one thing his father can't stand coffee and for another this man is tall, lanky and currently wearing nothing more than a pair of boxers.

It's difficult to say who is more upset about the moment unfolding in front of them.

"Um." Fitz is impressed that he's even managed to make a sound, especially when his mind doesn't seem to be interested in forming actual words.

The man is looking back at him, horrified, and seems to come to the realization that he's standing in the kitchen practically naked and neither of them are quite sure what to do with that information. "Your um," he clears his throat. "Your father said you were out for the night."

Fitz frowns. His father? Why is this man-

Oh God. This man is here because of his father; he's standing in the kitchen, mostly naked, trying to make coffee, because of his father. Fitz isn't sure that he can handle this information, it's just too much to process.

"I was?" Fitz says, furrowing his brow and finally looking away, studying the refrigerator. "Decided to come home after all."

Silence. Finally the man clears his throat. "Think you could help me figure out the coffee maker?"

Fitz shuffles over, trying to keep his eyes first on his feet and then on the coffee maker, which he manages to set to brewing pretty easily. The man is just standing there beside him, arms crossed over his bare chest. "I'm Holden," he says finally. "Holden Radcliffe."

"Fitz," he grumbles in response, taking a coffee mug from the cabinet and handing it over to Holden. "Here."

Holden calls out a thank you but Fitz is too busy beating a hasty retreat to really acknowledge it. He quickly returns to the sanctuary of his room, slamming the door shut. Sitting on the edge of his bed, Fitz just buries his face in his hands, unwilling to process what he's just witnessed. His father had another man over at the house last night and that man is currently making coffee in his kitchen and Jesus Fitz really wishes he'd stayed at Mack's last night like he'd originally planned.

Fitz grabs his phone, opens the group chat, deliberates for a minute before typing out a message: my dad had a guy over last night?

Hopefully, the worst part is over; he's acknowledged this, he's shared a very awkward encounter with the man and now he can move on with his life, carry on with the knowledge the worst is over and that he survived.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The worst is, of course, not over.

He comes home from school one day to find his father waiting for him in the kitchen. This, in itself, is terrifying. He and his father do their best to avoid one another, like the Earth and the moon, sharing an orbit but never actually touching or crossing paths. It works out better that way for both of them, even though his father has worked to change himself, his attitude, his relationship with his son. It's better than it was but Fitz is pretty sure the way to preserve this careful balance is to avoid too much interaction.

But Alistair is waiting for him, sitting at the kitchen table, waiting expectantly for Fitz to come down the hallway. Fitz hesitates, his backpack half off his shoulder, though he thinks about abandoning the bag and making a hasty retreat.

Alistair points to a chair before he can. "Sit." Fitz does and they stare each other, both seeming equally unsure of what's happening. Finally Alistair clears his throat. "You met Holden the other day."

It's been three days since Fitz woke up to find a strange man in his kitchen but this is the first time it's being brought up. Fitz kinda wishes that they'd just avoided the conversation all together. "Yes." He looks at his hands.

Alistair nods. "He's coming to dinner tonight," he informs Fitz gruffly. "I expect you to be there. And be presentable."

Fitz gapes at his father. "He's coming to dinner?" He questions, unable to hide his surprise. "Wait, why? What's going on?"

"Presentable," Alistair repeats instead of answering. "I want you to make a good impression."

Fitz quickly retreats to his bedroom once more. Again, he opens the group chat and quickly types out a message to his friends: I think my dad has a boyfriend?

Looking at the sentence doesn't exactly help it make any more sense.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Holden brings a bottle of wine and a plate of brownies. Fitz helps himself to one after dinner and after the first bite, he's certain that they came out of a box from the grocery store and Holden just arranged them on the plate. Something in his face must give his suspicions away because Holden looks at him and laughs, shaking his head. "Yeah, never been much of a cook," he says. "My daughter is the one who got the talent there."

Alistair pauses, his glass of wine halfway to his lips. "You have a daughter?"

Fitz looks between the two of them, suddenly filled with the impulse to be as far away from this conversation as possible.

Holden looks guilty, rubbing anxiously at the back of his neck. "I…yes. I suppose I should have mentioned her before, huh?" He gets no response but he smiles hopefully at Alistair. "She's adorable, you'd love her."

Fitz only looks at the man because does he not know his father? Clearly not, if he thinks that he could love someone else's daughter when he barely loves his own flesh and blood.

Holden doesn't seem to notice the look that Fitz is giving him. "She's away at boarding school most of the time," he continues. "Very intelligent. She rides horses."

Alistair only grunts, finishing his glass of wine. "Great," he grumbles. "Can't wait to meet her."

Now Fitz's incredulous expression is fixed on his own father. Did he just say that with passable sincerity? What is happening to the man? What type of parallel universe has he found himself in?

Obviously one that involves his father liking someone enough to want to bring him around the house more than once.

Fitz really wishes that he'd had one of the glasses of wine too.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

A week later, Fitz comes home to find his father waiting at the kitchen table once more. It doesn't feel like an assumption to think that the topic of conversation will be Holden Radcliffe, given that's been the only reason Alistair has sat his son down for talks recently. Holden has been over twice more since the first dinner and both times have ended with Fitz locked in his bedroom with his headphones shoved far into his ears and his pillow over his face, desperate to smother himself and end his suffering.

"Holden's daughter is coming over for dinner tonight," Alistair tells him without preamble. "The living room needs vacuuming." His tone lets Fitz know this is more than just an observation, it's a command. "Wear something nice."

Fitz does as he's been instructed, tidying up the house and trying not to stare open-mouthed at the sight of his father in the kitchen trying to put something resembling a dinner together. He dresses in a collared shirt, trying to imagine sharing the evening not only with his father and Holden but with Holden's adorable, horseback riding moppet. Maybe his father's dinner will give him food poisoning and he can use that as an excuse to get out of hanging around for too long.

It's ten minutes past seven when the doorbell rings and Alistair sets down his drink to go answer it. Fitz is shocked when Alistair actually smiles when he opens the door, rather than launching into a rant about how Holden is ten minutes late.

"Sorry for the delay," Holden says, kissing Alistair quickly as he steps inside. "I had to pick Ophelia up and there was bloody traffic. Ophelia," he glances over his shoulder, "this is Alistair Fitz."

And Ophelia steps inside and Fitz can feel his mouth drop open. Because Ophelia is not an adorable, horseback riding moppet. She's a teenager in a pleated skirt and knee socks that make her look like she's all legs and even her blouse, the seal to her school embroidered on the pocket, looks amazing on her.

Fitz can only hope no one is paying him any attention because he can't take his eyes off her. Her long hair is tipped with red streaks and the smile that she gives Alistair as she shakes his hand is enough to make Fitz's stomach roll with jealousy.

And then Ophelia looks at him and Fitz shuts his mouth with an audible click and it really doesn't do much to make the situation better. "This," Holden continues, apparently unaware of the heat spreading through Fitz's cheeks, "is Alistair's son, Leo. He's about your age."

Ophelia steps up to him and holds out a hand. "You look surprised," she remarks and there's an underlying edge to her voice that immediately makes Fitz feel like there's some amusing joke going through her mind that he's not privy to. "Didn't my dad tell you I was coming?"

Fitz shakes her hand, too quickly and much too robotically. "Oh, yeah." He pulls his hand away before his palm starts to sweat. "He just…he made it seem like you were a little kid," he says and his embarrassment only increases because what kind of idiot is he? "He said you like to ride horses."

Ophelia tilts her head as she studies him. "There's no age limit on riding horses," she points out, that smile still in place. Only now Fitz has a feeling that he's the joke.

Holden comes to stand behind her, putting a hand on her shoulder. "Ophelia rides at her boarding school," he says. "She's really quite good."

Ophelia smiles, pleased with the compliment, but her eyes are still on Fitz. "You should come watch me sometime."

Fitz nods because he doesn't know what else to do. The emblem on her blouse says St. Mary's School for Girls and he finds it fitting that Holden keeps her hidden away at a girls' boarding school; she'd probably kill the male population if she spent too much time among them.

Alistair and Holden go off into the kitchen to finish up with dinner and Ophelia sits on the ottoman and Fitz tries to focus on anything other than the sight of her legs, stretching out beneath her skirt and crossed at the ankle. He whacks his shin against the coffee table as he goes to sit down across from her on the couch. "So," he clears his throat. "Boarding school. You live there?"

Ophelia nods. "Most months," she tells him. Something clatters in the kitchen and she smiles, only this time she's looking at him like he's in on the joke. "Aren't they sweet?"

Fitz gives her an incredulous look. "Sweet?" He repeats. "My father? Have you met him?"

She shrugs. "He seems nice enough."

Fitz only shakes his head. "You haven't had to grow up with him," he mutters.

Once again Ophelia studies him, tilting her head slightly. "So, what was it like?" She asks. "Tell me everything; I want to know all about you." She leans forward slightly, playfully overexaggerating her rapt interest.

Of course, the position also gives Fitz a quick look down the front of her blouse and he looks away quickly, certain he's sealed his fate in spending his afterlife in Hell. "Oh, well," he clears his throat. "If I told you, I'd have to kill you."

Idiot. He's about to end up in Hell much quicker than originally believed after he throws himself off a bridge for that comment.

But Ophelia laughs and it sounds sincere and Fitz is certain he's never heard such a sound. "I think I'm going to like you, Leo Fitz," she tells him sincerely.

Fitz nods because, yeah, he already likes her. And, if she thinks that he's actually amusing and someone worthwhile than maybe his father's foray into the dating world won't be so unbearable after all.

[lentils-writes]

Day 13: Deadwood AU

Pick your favorite TV show set in the past (or pseudo-past).  Your ship is now the main characters.

(I don’t watch historical anything, sorry, also this is a nicer version of Deadwood, also watch Deadwood it’s amazing, also I’m sorry I killed Trip but like. it was him or Lincoln for Kara’s dead husband and I wouldn’t let Lincoln anywhere near Kara)

The coach comes to a stop in the center of town, close enough to be seen from the saloon front porch.

“Well, well, well, Sheriff,” Izzy remarks, chewing on a cigar. “If it ain’t your lady, arriving right on schedule.”

Melinda glares at her, but then stands up and makes her way over to the coach. She’d never admit to being anxious, but she is a little...apprehensive. A year ago, before she’d come to Deadwood, her old friend and business partner Antoine had died suddenly, leaving behind a wife and daughter. He’d asked her in his will to care for Kara and Ella should anything happen to him. So Melinda’s looked after her ever since, and been sending money to Antoine’s home in Texas once she left for Deadwood, but she always figured Kara would come out to Deadwood eventually. And now she’s here.

Melinda opens the coach door and helps first Ella and then Kara out. Ella’s about four or five, with brown skin a few shades darker than Kara’s and a miniature version of Trip’s easy smile. “Hi!” she says, grinning at Melinda. “Mama says we’re gonna live with you.”

“That’s right,” says Melinda, trying for a smile. “How was your trip?”

“Fine,” says Kara. She gives Melinda a small, nervous smile back. She never said much when Melinda was at Trip’s house, so that’s not unusual.

Melinda grabs the heaviest of her bags and says, “Follow me. The house is this way, it’s not far.”

It’s a nice house, Melinda made sure of that. She designed it and did much of the building herself (Mack and Phil helped with some of the taller parts). Kara perks up when she sees it. “Wow,” she says quietly. “It’s a fine house.”

“I hoped you’d like it,” says Melinda.

Once they’re inside and have Ella settled in what’s to be her room, Melinda shows Kara to another bedroom. “This one’s yours, if you want it,” Melinda says. “Don’t feel like you have to share mine.”

Kara looks a bit startled. “Oh.”

“I don’t want you to feel obligated to me,” Melinda adds. “Antoine and I were like siblings, which is why I figure he asked me to take care of you. But you don’t have to think of me as your new husband...or wife, I suppose.” She snorts. “Either way. I won’t push you for anything.”

“Thank you,” Kara says. “I...appreciate that.”

Melinda nods. “There’s some food in the pantry if you or the little one are hungry. I have business to attend to this afternoon, I’ll start a stew cooking for supper and should be home by then. If you should need anything before I’m back, my friend Daisy’s at the bank. She’ll help you out.”

Kara nods. “I might take Ella and look around a little later. She should be napping now.”

“Alright,” Melinda says. “Anyone gives you any trouble, they’ll have me to answer to.”

---

They fall into a strange rhythm together. Melinda wakes up about the same time Kara does, and they often eat breakfast together in companionable silence. Melinda often has some matter or another in town that needs her attention, but even if she doesn’t, she doesn’t bother Kara much when she’s at home. The other woman’s likely still grieving her husband and raising her young daughter, she doesn’t need Melinda in her space too.

Melinda doesn’t ask her to find a job, but she ends up using part of the money Antoine left her to become a bank partner with Daisy. “I need a reason to leave the house,” she explains. “See other people.” Melinda nods; of course she understands that.

Ella’s a sweet girl. She asks questions, but Melinda mostly doesn’t mind them. Somehow - to both Kara and Melinda’s consternation - she becomes enamored of Izzy, who seems to find her amusing and will sometimes watch her when Kara needs to meet with Daisy at the bank. “I won’t teach her to shoot,” Izzy promises with a wink. “Not until she’s bigger.”

She does start teaching the girl how to ride a horse though. “She needs to learn, if she’s gonna live out here,” she says when Kara tries to protest. “And old Ted here wouldn’t get spooked if you put a bomb under his ass.”

The horse in question is an ancient swayback gelding, who seems to spend his entire day half-asleep. Kara eyes him dubiously but says, “Alright.”

She’s not unkind to Kara at all - she smiles at her when she comes home, makes sure she has what she needs. She can’t deny she’s a little uncertain of how to act around her, though. If she were in Kara’s situation, she’d want her benefactor to keep a respectful distance, so she does. She doesn’t want Kara to feel like she’s pushing her for anything.

Then one night after Ella’s in bed, Kara’s washing dishes, and she’s handling them a little more roughly than usual. Melinda’s cleaning her gun and looks up, raising an eyebrow. “You alright?” Kara’s back is to her, so she can’t tell if she’s just being a bit clumsy or is actually upset

Kara flinches as if Melinda shot her and drops the plate she’s holding into the sink. Luckily, it doesn’t break, but it’s loud enough to be startling. “I’m fine,” Kara says, sounding as if it’s painful to get the words out.

“You don’t sound fine.”

Kara shakes her head. “You barely speak to me. Why would you care how I’m feeling?”

“Oh,” Melinda says. “Kara, come here.”

Kara turns to look at her finally, eyes narrow and jaw clenched. “I know this isn’t what you wanted,” she says, somewhere between angry and accusatory. “Your old business partner’s wife and child to look after. I’m sure you want a family of your own and having us forced on you fucked that up for you. That’s why you left for Deadwood so quickly after Antoine died, isn’t it? You couldn’t stand being around us, around me. Why? Were you in love with him and we reminded you too much of him, of what you’d never have with him?”

“Jesus,” says Melinda. “Where’d you get a fool idea like that?”

“Antoine wanted you to care for us,” snaps Kara, “but you left when his body was barely cold in the ground! I hoped it was just ‘cause you were trying to make a better life out here in South Dakota and things would get better once we were all together again, but you barely acknowledge that I’m here! Sure, you make me supper and smile when you come home but you don’t really talk to me! I feel you watching me, like you’re watching a wild animal and you’re not sure what it’s gonna do next. I ain’t asking for you to replace Antoine, but you could at least be friendly for God’s sake!”

Melinda blinks. That outburst was the last thing she was expecting. “Come over here,” she says. “Let’s talk. Quieter, so we don’t wake Ella.”

Kara laughs sort of bitterly, but she comes over to sit down in one of the other chairs. Once she’s settled, Melinda says, “You’re right. I’ve been standoffish. It’s nothing to do with you specifically, I just...I never really expected to have anything like this. It’s an adjustment.”

Snorting, Kara replies, “What do you mean by that, anything like this?”

“I don’t know what Antoine told you about me,” Melinda continues. “That’s why I told you the first day that I didn’t expect you to share my bed. I certainly wasn’t in love with him, that’s ridiculous. He was one of the few that know that I prefer the company of women.”

Kara’s eyes widen. “He didn’t mention that,” she says, more quietly.

“Well, now you know.” Melinda shrugs. “I kinda assumed I wouldn’t have anything long-term, maybe a night or two with a girl if I kept it quiet. I sure wasn’t counting on kids. It was fine, I had Antoine and the store to worry about. Then he was dead, and suddenly I got his pretty wife and little girl to worry about, and I didn’t know what the hell to do about it. I thought Deadwood might be good - a place where you might find another husband, maybe, and where I could clear my head and figure it all out.”

Kara tosses her head and almost smiles. “You think I’m pretty?” she asks.

Melinda snorts. “That all you took from that?”

“No, I just…” Kara laughs. “I spent the last year thinking you hate me, when you don’t at all!”

Melinda shrugs and says, “I never have. Just didn’t want you to feel like I expected anything of you. I’m sorry if I’ve made you feel I did.”

“I’m glad you don’t,” Kara says. “I’d...I’d like to talk with you more often, if you wouldn’t mind.”

“I’m not much of a talker, but I can try.”

“Doesn’t have to be much. Just want to feel like you give a shit about me.” Kara smiles, and for the first time it seems like she means it.

“I do,” says Melinda. “I’ll see what I can do.”

---

After that, she tries harder to talk to Kara. They usually talk a little after dinner and then some after Ella’s in bed. Sometimes it’s about Antoine, sometimes not. Melinda hasn’t really spoken to anyone about him since the funeral, and she finds that sharing memories is just what she needed.

She tries desperately to ignore the warm feelings that start to flare up in her whenever she looks at Kara. It doesn’t work well.

Fall draws to a close, and with it comes colder weather. The first night it’s cold enough to snow, Melinda’s preparing for bed when there’s a quiet knock on her bedroom door. It’s Kara - of course, who else would it be - looking apprehensive. “Could I…?”

Melinda nods. “C’mon in.”

Her bed’s big enough for two, but Melinda’s not used to sharing it. She tries to keep to her own side, not push physical contact if Kara doesn’t want it, but she wakes up the next morning to Kara wrapped tightly around her. “Oh,” Kara says, seeming embarrassed. “I’m sorry, Antoine and I - I guess I got used to that.”

“It’s alright,” Melinda says, smiling.

The next night, Kara curls up tightly as far away from Melinda as possible, until Melinda scoots close to her and runs a hand over her back. “No need to make yourself small,” Melinda says. “It’s a cold night. We could both use the warmth.”

Kara rolls over to look at her, expression unreadable, but she nestles against Melinda and murmurs, “Thank you.”

Melinda starts having dreams about kissing her...about doing more than kissing, too. She’s able to shrug them off, until Izzy says one day, “Y’know, she’s falling for you.”

“What?”

“Kara. She looks at you like a lovesick pup. If you’re not gonna do something about it, you should let her down easy. And let her know that my shoulder’s available to cry on.” Izzy waggles her eyebrows.

Melinda rolls her eyes and shoves her friend. “Don’t you dare,” she scolds.

“Then you better,” says Izzy.

One evening when they’re getting into bed, Kara slips in next to Melinda and then, almost shyly, presses a kiss to her cheek. “Goodnight,” she says, settling in.

But Melinda coughs and says, “Kara, can I kiss you?”

The only light in the room is the candle on the bedside table, so Kara’s expression is hard to read, but she nods.

Melinda leans up to kiss her, gentle at first. “That alright?” she asks.

“Please,” Kara says. “I’ve been...please.”

Melinda keeps it gentle and slow, not sure how Kara’s feeling, but the other woman kisses her back so eagerly that soon Melinda stops worrying about going slow. They go to sleep tangled together, content.

When Melinda wakes up, she wonders for a second if it was a vivid dream. But Kara’s lying there, eyes soft, and she says “Morning” like she can’t believe it either, and Melinda hopes if Trip is watching, he’s not angry. (She’s sure he wouldn’t be.)